Never again

TARGET: Bohol Tropics Resort
PLACE: Tagibilaran City, Bohol
DATE: March 31 to April 2
ACCOMMODATION: Super Twin Room
CONCLUSION: Won't be coming back

There is no beach in this resort. If that is not bad enough, here's more:

If you are not a white-haired caucasian or a chinky-eyed no-English East Asian, this place is not for you. Their staff only smile at foreigners. Their front desk people turn blind at brown-skinned working class can't-afford-a-tip Filipino like me. Yeah, their rooms and villas look great among the palm trees, but the service more than wreaks all your initial landing impressions.

Making an online reservation weeks before I was to stay (on business and a little pleasure) the hotel staff assigned me to a super twin room (four beds!). As if it was not bad enough, my room (room 254) was out in the wilderness, at the farthest corner of the resort. I was paying too much for a room too big and too far. I had to endure minutes of walk in a seemingly melting asphalt road under the super hot sun to get to the resort's jewel: the pool. For a time I forgot I was actually paying (big) for all these.

And yeah, they don't want their guests to use their pool too, which they close at 8 p.m., leaving my long-anticipated dip under the moonlight to tatters. The staff left one pool open though, a tub-sized puddle already packed by ten sweating men by the time I got there. Their poolside showers don't work and they charge use of the jacuzzi at P350 per hour. This resort robs you. With class.

There are always good sides to everything. Kudos to the night crew of Cafe Atanacio who promptly served my two 50-peso San Mig Light and several requests for ice. The band played great, but only until 11 p.m.

The best thing of all? The tricycles (P30 from Island City Mall to resort) can drive all the way up to the front lawn of your room. But still hope I would never return to this place again.

p.s. They boast of a wi-fi service but it only covers several square feet of their front desk at veeeerrrrryyy sloooooow speeeeed.